Now before you start calling your friends, let me clarify: the science behind this brilliant prank, while rudimentary, is rock solid. However, I have unfortunately not yet produced a successful trial. All I have is a theory. And faith. You see, on the day in question my sister packed a lunch to prepare for her duties as a lifeguard the following day, and at 1:15 a.m. that night, I happened upon that sack lunch. To quote Thom Yorke, "[The mayonnaise yogurt gag] is my purest [prank], but I didn't create it. It created itself. I was its messenger; its biological catalyst." I ever so carefully removed the foil top, ate the yogurt within, and mixed in that Hellman's and red food coloring until it was a perfect Yoplait Strawberry, albeit sans strawberry chunks (something to shoot for in trial #2). I was in the zone. That is, until it came time to replace the foil topper. Super glue made an absolute mess of my fingers, but alas, adhere to the plastic container it did not, so the hot-glue gun was the best I could come up with on such short notice, and it looked pretty darn sloppy. You can tell where this is going, and I wish I could tell you otherwise, but, unfortunately, when Amy took that yogurt out the next day, that pitifully crumpled and comically attached foil lid gave the game right away. Now, some of you may say, "Hey Matt, what's the big idea, publishing your findings with no proof?" To you, I say, it's the journey, friend, not the destination. Also, the destination still makes me laugh just pretending it panned out like we all (minus Amy) wanted it to.
Similar kudos go out to my brother, Ryan, for his failed but noble attempt to wear a false mustache for his school ID this week. Let's not forget that even Tom Edison failed [insert correct number here, I'm too tired to look it up] times before he happened upon just the right light bulb filament.
And while we're on the subject of women's fashions that I just don't understand ...
Granted, this is coming from a guy that wears exercise shorts or sweat pants (with and without gathered ankles) 97% of the year, but we already know criticizing men's clothing is just fish-in-a-barrel. That said, it's a miracle that I've managed to notice any fashion trend among females, and an even greater miracle still that I've managed to notice they (the trends, not the females) are ugly. So I'm afraid these getups have got to go.
